A gentle chivalrous man with a touch of seduction

While I was deciding possible candidates for my first thedaytimehustle report interview I came upon Layan bubbly. A name that had occasionally popped up here and there in my time in the pick up community.
For those of you unfamiliar with her she is an author, dating and empowerment coach.
I will admit I was initially hesitant to interview her as I wasn't sure whether she could contribute relevant advice taking into account our Indian audience, but turns out shes a favourite amongst Indians.We"ll get to that part in a bit.
So without further ado

TDTH:  Why don't you briefly introduce yourself to our audience.
LB: Well I'm a dating coach in Canada who travels all over coaching men on how to basically take the lead. My philosophy is of a taking a holistic approach.I believe first one needs to empower themselves and get to know oneself better before investing themselves into a partner or partner's.

TDTH: What do you think is the major problem with our dating landscape.
LB: I think its all the social conditioning from movies, TV shows, social media and what not that makes peoples expectations from reality very idealistic and these realities just do not work in normal day to day life.

TDTH:What is the solution your opinion?
LB: You need to invest in yourself first, once you are happy and have some control over your emotion, family & finances then you can go on to invite people into your life . Another major issue is that of compatibility and chemistry between you and your partner and this very often goes neglected.
I guess to put it simply remember the four C's
Circumstances
Compatibility
Chemistry
Communication , you need to check all the boxes.

TDTH:What has your experience been with Indian clients and any specific advice for them?
LB: Oh Indians love me it probably has something to do with the fact that i look a little Indian myself.
Well correct me if I'm wrong but I feel in the Indian scenario there has been a lot of pressure on men to lead and women to follow. Also you are expected to live your life a certain way in communities which puts enormous pressure on both men and women and modern day feminism has made the men feel more powerless and intimidated than ever before.Hence the whole pick up movement.

TDTH: What do you think they should do?
LB: They need to understand that women still want to be led .To start with they need to start asking the right questions and then go on to empower himself.
Men need to take themselves out of an environment of social pressure and expectations and really explore himself, he shouldn't be afraid of exploring his dark side either as long as he is not hurting himself or others in the process.

TDTH:What are some books that you would recommend
LB: "The art of seduction" was a big influence in my life
       "Rich Dad Poor Dad"
       "The 4 hour work week" was amazing it  has some great stuff
        and my pride and joy my own book "Gentleman with an edge" because I believe men need to be chivalrous in today's post feminism era but with a touch of seduction
TDTH: Lastly what according to you is the most fundamental quality at the core of an attractive man
LB: I'm going to keep this very simple , it has to be without a doubt "honesty".
An honest man is very rare and in today's times where everyone has set up a fake persona an honest man is a gem and in my opinion women really value that

thats all folks
I suggest everyone go check out her page  https://layanbubbly.com/ and go get her book now

Burn those flakes away and get more dates

FLAKES
They seem to be a reoccurring theme in all our lives.
Imagine having an absolutely amazing interaction and then having your texts and calls go unanswered. It is absolutely ridiculous, I mean you seemed to have done everything right and had her hooked. Then why is it that women flake so much?
The answer to this came to me only after I started flaking on women. Which made me realize that they weren’t being assholes , well at least the vast majority of them. It was just that they were not motivated to pursue the interaction any further.
Women just like us can be very lazy ,one of the reasons they need a man to take that responsibility off them. When I had great interactions with women and had dates set up with them I scarcely felt motivated to actually follow up.
Why?
Because
1. I already had stable women in my life
2. I don’t have the time to travel long distances to go on dates when I already have busy schedules
3. I like the attention and don’t feel the need to actually follow up as I enjoy them chasing me
All of these are true for a woman as well including
1. She has not at all invested in you long enough
2. You barely actually formed a connection
3. She did not feel chosen( yes can you believe that) or feels like you were there only for the number
4. She does not know why you like her
These are genuine reasons and you must realize you cannot blame women for their behavior as we are all guilty of indulging in such behaviors as well
Flaking is a bitch, its never going to 100% go away but the probability of its occurence can be reduced
Here are some things you must remember before you actually get better results
1. There is no reason why you are not enough, if you believe in this the girl will experience an authentic you and thus connect to you no wasting energy trying to be someone else
2. She does not owe you anything, it is her choice and you can only provide the opportunity to chill together and have adventures
Now for the long awaited theme
Here are some strategies you may use to reduce flaking
1. Spend as much time near as possible and stay near , this is the best thing to do .
2. Screen the person, not only does it give you a lot to talk about it also makes her feel like you have a criteria
3. Introduce tension into the interaction
4. Make plans to meet up preferably the same day or the next
5. Converse with her at least for 10 more minutes after exchanging numbers
6. Go and actually sit down somewhere for a conversation
Go apply this right now and see a huge explosion in your quantity and dare I say quality of dates
Remember game is basically logistics and you need very little success to have an amazing sex life

Champion motivation : Don't try to be perfect

Most people strive for absolute perfection and though there are quite a few examples of people out there who have had success with this mindset.
But in the long term it will be your downfall.
Take Nixon during the presidential debate between himself and Kennedy. Kennedy had nothing to prove and simply played it cool , whereas then vice president Nixon felt the need to prove his position and this inevitably led to his loss.
People who strive to be perfect hold themselves up to unrealistic standards and always feel the pressure to prove themselves to others.
So just chill back
Take a deep breath
Do what you want because it makes you happy
Push yourself
Keep hustling and the rewards will come
And for Spartans sake go have some fun otherwise
What's the point

“Excuse me”
“I hope I’m not being rude”
“May I”
“I understand”
“please don’t let me bother you”
“Thank you”
There is an absolutely amazing quote in the movie kingsman that can basically summarize the message in the article.
“manners maketh man”
What this means is that you raise your standards regarding how you treat people that you come to interact with by being considerate and empathetic towards them regardless of how they might behave.
But what might motivate such an altruistic behavior?
What motivates a man to be so unselfish and polite to people and expect nothing in return.
That is the theme we shall address today
Being polite is a virtue not everyone is born with , it has been taught to us since our school days but somewhere along the line we get socially conditioned to either forego this virtue completely or we be come rather too polite and get labeled somewhat beta by society.
To be polite means to be considerate and respectful of the people you interact with, also referred to as being empathetic. Though I prefer to use the word polite as it is much less rooted in community culture .
When you show that you understand the situation a person is in, what they might feel and bow you make them feel at any given moment you are basically communicating that you are socially calibrated enough to know there position and what you do next is after realizing and addressingthe other parties situation.
People want to be validated , respected and will respond to you based on whether you take their emotions into account.
I once stood at the ticket collection counter at a railway station and just before purchasing my ticket noticed how absolutely tired the female attendant seemed
This is how our conversation went
Me “good evening are you having a good day”
Female collector -With a huge smile on her face” thank you, you are the first one to wish me all day”
Me “don’t overwork yourself , its not good for ones health” laughing
She bid me farewell and I could see she appreciated someone taking an interest in her and appreciating her efforts
People want to feel respected and important and a polite person takes into account there situation , addresses it and may choose to  validate their efforts.
The advantages of this are many.
People treat you the way you treat them, so you get more attention and time
You will be able to inspire people to support your actions or help you with tasks
People who might have been unwilling will take out time for you
People know you hold yourself to a higher standard
The vibe of the interactions is considerably better
People want to do things for you
People want to have you around
But now the major question is how does translate to dating and relationships.
Anyone who has ever gone up to a woman and cold approached her
Might be aware of the terms ”I’m in a hurry”,”I’m waiting for a friend”, “I have to go”
, “what do you need” etc and a lot if times they may just run off.
Now this happens because of a lack of empathy for the other party
You forget going up to a person in a low energy environment where if is outside the normal to interact with other strangers is not only outside her reality but something she has never done before, so naturally has no idea how to behave.
In this situation going loud, or straight up intense like “ you look beautiful” or even a meager compliment is very counter productive.
A polite person understands this is not normal and goes in low key (what some may even call indirect) and a crow the situation by empathizing with her. He can also go as far as saying “I hope I’m not being rude” or “ you can leave if you want” .
Realize that if she is standing in front of you it is polite to talk to her even if she has nothing to say because the truth is she is awkward and unlike you may not be used to this.
If you get approach anxiety , these lovely creations of god have “approached anxiety” so respect that.
I have had countless interaction where women have praised me for being polite and understanding.
This is not some technique for you, this is something you do for her.. It is a virtue and a way of life.. you do it for her because if you take it upon yourself to go chat her up it is your responsibility as a man and a person to make them feel comfortable. If you can do that they will feel inspired to hang out close to you for as long as they can.
And we all know time is an ally.
It will also make you safer than most guys in their life and they are bound to keep coming back to you.
Just one thing
Remember to balance your polite nature with being able to express personal boundaries
For if you fail here. Then you have already lost.
Because she will stay with you true but arousal is not something in a beta mans fate.
And the last thing we want is to be a beta male don’t we.
So remember
Be polite
Be empathetic
Be considerate
Express personal boundaries
And you will see your dating life expand exponentially. It also translates very well to your business as well as social circle
See you around , feel free to ask anything

Why you fail at dating

Dating is something most people simply fall into . They live there lives in a daze with very little control over who they meet and allow into there lives. Think back to most of your social circle how many people did you actually screen and choose to meet .true some of the best experiences in our life happen when we let go of absolute control but that's not always a very good strategy especially when you are trying to hustle and build an empowering lifestyle as well as surround yourself with hustlers.
The way most of the people interact with the sexual marketplace is from that of a chaser's perspective ie they wait for a woman to either choose them or in some cases settle for them.  They are so happy with the fact that they found themselves a partner that they not only break their personal boundaries but dont even bother enforcing them
Not only does this lead to relationship problems in the long term but it tends to stagnate your growth in every other area of your life and before you know it youre on your death bed with a long list of regrets
Most of the times the principal motivator is something as basic as attraction. In most cases people misinterpret arousal for love.
Do not fear love is a topic we will touch on later but we definitely shall
Dating in the modern world
with the advent of online technology and dating apps like tinder and okcupid has become even more mechanical and placed men in an even bigger chaser frame as women find themselves in position of abundance and men in a scarce position
There is something fundamentally wrong for a man to have to settle for less in my opinion
Further in our country there is a quite a taboo associated with openly discussing the issue of sex and sexuality.
Now for those of you who may not be aware the term sexuality is vastly different from sex and we shall go in depth about it later.
Parents do not take the initiative to have an enlightening talk with their sons or daughters about interacting within the sexual marketplace leading to long term frustrations and resentment amongst the sexes as they just assume that both sexes share the same motivations and value systems and so should behave the same way. Men assume that women should react and behave like men and vice versa with women. Look around you for a bit and see how most people settle and sure they do experience good times but most of the rome relatiomships seem like a chore
Go back amd recount some of your own experienes
Like when you were in a relationship and despite listening attentively you were told that you were not a good listener
You were told you were too controlling
And the worst she would be saying something but mean something else
Or if you were single
She would go for the asshole over you
She seemed to be giving all the right signals yet friendzoned you
She outrightly rejects you without even knowing you
So whose fault is this
Honestly it is the man's
Why do say that
Well because I believe its the mans job to take responsibility of the shoulders of the woman and take initiative and provide her with oppurtunities to be her best self and the sooner you accept that the better your dating life will be

So the question of the hour is what can one do immediately that is going to change your dating life immediately
1.accept there is a problem and see the world as it really is
Do not shame yourself for wanting to improve your dating life
2. Empathise with women
Realise men and women are two very different genders and you need to usee things from there poin of view
I would suggest the book men are from mars and women are from venus
3.change your mindset you need to be very open minded and realise that there is no reason why you are not enough
4.respect every one for there differences and be very non judgmental in your approach only then will she open up to you
5.trust in your faculties that you will handle any situation presented
6.be polite and honest
7.take a genine interest in people you are trying to meet
8.smile and provide genuone compliments do not flatter
9.provide them oppurtunities to get to know you
10.time is your greatest ally spend as much together possible